Comparing yourself to another is a common practice. Friends, colleagues, classmates even family members become the yardstick that we measure ourselves against.

Are we better, smarter, kinder or are we not?

At it’s best this dubious strategy promotes winners and losers. More commonly, it is an all-lose game.

When we compare ourselves to others we do harm.

• We place our worth outside of ourselves a disempowering practice fated for dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
• We tarnish our ability to support a cohort by unwittingly casting them as our competitor.
• We engage in a belief that at it’s core shouts to us that “there is not enough”.

There is a better way to compare. Let the subject be yourself.

How did I do today in moving toward my goal? Have I made progress on that nagging character trait I am trying to change? What did I say I was going to do and what did I do? Am I becoming a better worker, mate, parent, or citizen?

Comparing yourself to yourself is a system of accountability. Accountability promotes honesty, responsibility, esteem and personal development.

So go ahead and see how you stack up. Let the test you need to pass be your own. The world will be a better place for it.

“If you want better next moments, live this one to the best of your ability.’ This quote has its origin in words from Oprah. For me it is a game-changer.

Why? It calls us to this very moment. Right now. It dispels the trance of “I don’t know how”, “it’s too hard”, “they don’t like me”, or “I’ll never get there”. It tells me in the simplest most profound way that now matters. It says stop thinking and start living – NOW!

In my coaching groups I send surprise pop-quiz emails announcing special days – It’s national “Do Worst First Day” or “Focus Only on the Good” Day. The group is then urged to live fully the spirit of that designated day.

“Do the Best You Can” Day goes like this. Everything you do that day, be the best you can at it. Driving your car, brushing your teeth, being an employee, engaging with your colleagues, sending emails, being a husband, everything! As coach, I provide support by sending text reminders and encourage report-backs via email.

One of the objectives is to have them experience the difference between being empowered and disempowered. In coming into the moment, you seize control of your life. You drop the useless story that keeps you in the cycle of not enough-ness. You also find a new spirit and resilience. A new story, a transformational moment, a game changer.

Go ahead and try it, right now be the best you can be. It will be challenging, annoying, fun and invigorating. Any effort is a victory and there are endless opportunities for practicing.

I don’t know about you but I just sat up a little straighter in my chair. I feel better already.

As a kid I was confronted with a nightly dilemma at dinner. My plate of food inevitably consisted of protein, carbs and vegetables. I hated vegetables. My only recourse (I thought) was to go worst last. I would dive into the meat and potato hoping against hope that somehow those veggies would disappear or my parents would have a change of heart. With each bite of roast beef however my discomfort grew. The looming specter of graying, boiled vegetables slowly crowded out my pleasure.The task before me seemed insurmountable.Countless meals ground to a halt this way. If I had only known about worst first.

What is worst first mentality? It’s taking your to-do list and instead of going for the easy, low hanging fruit first (the meat and potatoes) you identify the most disagreeable task (the green beans)and take it on, giving it your full measure.

The benefits of living a worst first strategy?

• Start with a victory! Tackling your biggest foe first has a two-fold effect. One you are rewarded with an invigorating flow of positive energy due to your esteem-enhancing actions. Two you are lighter for eliminating the heavy weight from your list. All that energy that gets eaten up by the “looming specter” is now applied elsewhere.
• Develop a self-image of being an obstacle buster. How you feel about yourself can easily be the difference between smooth and hard, success and same old, same old. When you see yourself as a task-slaying warrior you are building a new relationship with yourself. It feels good, really good. You will want more of this feeling. This is critical for making change. It’s from the inside!

The potential pitfalls of doing a worst last mentality?

• Feeding the monster. Rather than freeing your mind of the “looming specter” you instead are being weighed down and “occupied” by the disagreeable task. The monster is mostly a figment of your imagination. To avoid it gives it power.

  Reinforcing a limited story of yourself. As you put off the worst task it becomes progressively harder to tackle. This can lead to procrastination. What’s next is the messy bog of self-condemnation followed by more evasion via TV, food, etc. Now a molehill has turned into the mountain of your past.

How do you begin a worst first mindset? For the next two weeks make it a practice to first identify the one task that makes you a bit squeamish. Give it a time limit if it is something that needs to be broken into multiple days. This will give you a start time and an end time. Summon up your courage and get started on it. Gauge your results and send me an email to report back.

Remember you are cultivating a new mentality along with a new way of being. This is not a one and done venture.Keep practicing. Know you are building a solid foundation for making big change. Oh and one other thing- you’ll find the vegetables were pretty good afterall.

In the movie Annie Hall, Woody Allen’s character compares a relationship to a shark- “It has to constantly move forward or it dies”. The idea is the same with this tip.

Camping out inside your comfort zone is luxuriously seductive and dangerously deceptive. The allure of avoidance which provides short-term relief, imperceptively becomes your gathering executioner.

Your comfort zone is not meant to be a way of life. It is a place to rest, rejuvenate and replenish. That’s all. From there you are called to move back out seeking your next stretch action- taking small risks, meeting new people, testing new concepts and skills, saying yes when you want to say no. Leaning into life not laying down on it.

Can it be scary? Yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely. Do you have a choice? For a while yes but sooner or later the chickens come home to roost.

Paradoxically when you make taking stretch actions your new normal, your zone of comfort expands. Your capacity to handle whatever life serves up is fortified.

How do you do it? Start from right where you are- today. Make it your new guiding mantra- where can I stretch today? Identify two or three instances where you eschew your lair of comfort and march the road of more resistance.

Start small and collect victories. Watch as your new identity as an obstacle buster exhilarates you and propels you to greater triumphs. Celebrate your integrated relationship with life knowing you are a shark on the move.

At the end of the day, after all the analyzing, doubting, planning, wondering, all the thinking and feeling, the only thing that really matters is what you do!

It is your actions that have determined what you are today, where you are going, and who you will become.

If it is that simple why is it so hard?

One significant reason is fear. Fear infiltrates your mind and diabolically generates thoughts to frighten, mislead and confound.

Your solution? You avoid taking action or you take safe actions with minimal yield that keep you in the trance of “I’m doing things”.

A true solution? Action. Not just any action. Targeted Action.

What is Targeted Action? It is action that demonstrates your willingness to change. It will be something you do that is different and it often inches you outside your comfort zone. It is behavior that moves you in the direction of a goal, vision or purpose. It will be new. It will be bold as it flies in the face of fear.

There is an important distinction however. Targeted Action is not THE perfect action. Perfection is the problem. It is fear hijacking the process. Keep it simple, run your action plan by a trusted other for verification and support, then act and learn.

When you truly understand that even awkward, uncertain actions, no matter how small, are better than thinking those same thoughts, being scared by those same feelings or doing that same busy work, than you are on the way. Change has become a reality.