Fear and I are in a brotherhood
But don’t pity me
And don’t knock fear. Fear and I are in a brotherhood.
We’ve learned to live together you see
And I’m much happier knowing more about him than he knows about me.

~Diana Ziegler

The balance of power has shifted. Instead of reacting to F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real), you are now responding to life. Fear still has a seat at the table but it no longer sits at the head. Who sits in that place of prominence is your emerging character. It is demonstrated in your ability to be honest with yourself, your willingness to do things differently, and your tenacity in staying the course. Your steady progress through Steps 1-4 has provided the building blocks for this change. Now it is time to leverage your character in the practice of the final step.

If you have been diligent about Step #4 you are experiencing the benefits of creating structures and routines. You are measuring your schedule with an urgency that is facilitating sustainable change. You are resisting impulses to abandon your plan for old familiar patterns and this discipline is resulting in a growing self-trust. This trust blossoms into a deeper more abiding belief in yourself. This is the key ingredient. Your success rate will accelerate when your belief in self is greater than your doubt.

With my coaching clients we measure the effectiveness of their activities with a simple equation- are their daily efforts supporting their stated goals. Without clearly defined goals as markers, the work is susceptible to spinning- lots of activities and busyness but a fleeting sense of movement or success.

Now is the time to be bold and create those markers. You do this in Step #5 by Setting Visions and Goals.

Resurrect your former dreams or start crafting new ones. You now have the stamina and integrity to make them a reality. What is it you are called to do? What pursuit awaits you? Is there genius ready to emerge? Set your course and with your new habits and behaviors as stabilizers, you can begin to take action.

With this new course you can use your structures and routines to be sure your efforts are supporting your goals. With your capacity to stick to a commitment you have the necessary backbone to accomplish your desires. With your attention and awareness you will run a tight, responsible ship knowing when, how and what to move on.

When the going gets difficult, F.E.A.R. will begin to nose its way back in. It is OK if you experience some back steps. Take them in stride. All that is needed is to go back to your 5-step plan and determine where you are in the process. Which practice would best serve you? The truth is once you have incorporated these practices your trajectory is upward. Expect nothing else. Whether the growth is slight or dramatic is of no matter. It is your path; you will cross it at just the right pace.

You have built a relationship with fear and you now know more about it than it knows of you. It is based on real evidence. Nice work. Enjoy your greater expression of self, share it with others and keep growing. Boldness is recommended!

You have taken big and important steps in your quest to be free from the grip of  F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real). A solid foundation is being built beneath you and you are more than likely noticing small differences in your life experiences. This is the beginning of change. You are growing in capability and confidence. Not every moment of every day, surely not. Nevertheless, the fresh breeze of change and newness is all about you and it fans the motivation needed to move forward. It is working- F.E.A.R.’s impact is lessening.

Recall how you got here? In Step #1 you began by exposing the insidiousness of F.E.A.R.’s influence by simply stopping and paying Attention. You looked with a curious eye at what was propelling you forward and with that looking came a new Awareness. These practices illuminated how thoroughly FEAR controlled your life. This awakening was the first sign of self-liberation.

In Step #2 you took action by Doing Something Different. The “doing” was targeted on the smaller choices and decisions of your day. These choices were your slingshot and pebble as you did battle with your Goliath of F.E.A.R. The goal here was not to take F.E.A.R. head-on but instead to baby step your way to new discoveries, confidence and victories. Your momentum was increasing.

You crossed a critical threshold in Step #3 when you humbly made a Commitment fortified by Faith. You put a stake in the ground that proclaimed to yourself and the forces of the universe that you were serious about taking ownership of your life and would spare no effort. Your ability to make this declaration was supported by your emerging belief in something greater than the limiting nature of F.E.A.R.

Having established your beachhead in Steps 1-3, it is now important to stabilize and prepare for more growth. We do this in Step #4 by instituting Structures and Routines. This is the blue-collar work of change. It cannot be avoided and is crucial in maintaining the self-discipline to remain one-step ahead of F.E.A.R.’s influence.

The Structures and Routines are simple- you make a plan and stick to it. A failure to plan fosters an environment in which F.E.A.R. thrives. Drafting well thought out plans and abiding by them fosters trust, integrity and balance, all natural opponents of F.E.A.R. It keeps you in charge of your life and not buffeted about by the winds of the day.

Your practice for Step #4 is two parts. Part one is to each night create a time schedule  for the following day. This is not to be rushed. It is to be thought out, measured and deliberate. It will identify what you are going to do and when will you do it. The schedule should be executable without stress but it also should have a healthy “stretch” built into it, meaning there are situations in which you are venturing outside your comfort zone.

Part two is simple: Stick to It! A plan is only effective if you stick to it. If you find yourself pondering whether to disregard your plan, consider it a red flag. Your plan was designed with thoughtfulness and calm- most likely your most guided self.  Breaking a plan weakens future plans. You have given the voice of F.E.A.R. a tool to exploit. Before you know it your goals and visions are lost in a sea of good intentions.

There may be a few thinking, “this is totally unrealistic. I have a job and/or a family and I need to respond to those needs.”  Granted for some making their plan is more challenging. At the same time I urge you, with your circumstances factored in, to write your plan deliberately. Where can you bring more Structure and Routine into your day? Where can you say no or not now to an urgent request?  Find the places where your voices are saying, “we can’t do that” and challenge that assertion. Remember F.E.A.R. will often sound reasonable and justified.

It is essential that you exercise self-honesty and courage at this point. Check your reasoning and assumptions. Make sure they are sound and not just convenient.  I urge you to stay the course and not back down. I promise you, you won’t be disappointed.

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness…. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth… that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.”

~~ from The Reinvention of Work, by Matthew Fox

As you embark on Step #3 of your journey to radically reduce F.E.A.R.’s influence you approach a critical juncture. It’s the moment in the Matrix when Orpheus gave Neo the choice between the blue pill, taking him back to the life he knew, or the red pill, a journey into the unknown. Now it’s your turn. This is the time when you will communicate to the universe, or as Goethe prefers, providence, whether you are serious about your efforts to take F.E.A.R. on. If you draw back, ineffectiveness and a missed opportunity are the result. On the other hand, if you say “all in” your decision will set in motion unforeseen support from “providence”. This is the promise handed down over the centuries but not until YOU make the leap will it be discovered for yourself. The red pill it is.

Your Step #3 practice is Commitment fortified by Faith. Without this practice, or you might say decision, the other steps are destined to fade and disappear. You know the excitement of new projects, goals, and relationships. But the real work starts when the glow of newness fades and the reality of letting go of the familiar sets in. This is where the men are separated from the boys, the serious from the fantasizers and yes, the committed from the hesitant.

Where will you find the rigor and the will required to practice Step #1 (Attention and Awareness) that is essential if F.E.A.R.’s “negation of the positive” is to be unmasked. In commitment and faith. How will you consistently find the courage in Step #2 to resist F.E.A.R. based choices and Do Something Different when it would be so easy to succumb to the comfortable? By standing on your  commitment and faith.

Your Step #3 practice is to commit each day to the practices that will change your life and not let the demons of your lesser nature be the designer of what you do and who you are.  This commitment is built on a faith that when you do the right thing, when you attempt to live in accordance with right values, when you are true to your deepest urgings, you will be living fully in integrity and good things will happen as a result. What those things are you cannot fully know. That is the mystery. You show up, commit to do your part and have faith all will be well. Then let the universe do the heavy lifting and remember to say thank you.

How will you know if you are practicing Commitment and Faith? The evidence will be in your actions. What actions? Why Steps 1 & 2 of course! Are you paying attention, raising your awareness and doing something different from your old familiar patterns? Are you “babystepping” your way to real change one decision at a time? Your commitment is your stake in the ground, your pledge, your declaration that you are in for the long haul. Not for this week, or this month but for a lifetime. Your lifetime!

Call your supportive friend and let them know you are committing to live from faith not F.E.A.R. Tell them what that commitment means with regard to your daily actions. Make your commitment with conviction and humility not bravado. Nice work. I think you’ve got F.E.A.R.’s attention.

As Goethe stated long ago “ … boldness has genius, power and magic in it..”. Your diligent work will be celebrated. Pay attention. Your magic is coming!

My mission as a change coach is to assist people in taking the bold steps that are necessary to propel them to their next phase of development. This process is destined to confront long avoided fears as assuredly as Frodo had to go to the fiery darkness of Mordor to save Middle Earth. OK so it’s not that bad, but the point is F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real) can make it seem that bad. Without the commitment to stick it out, plans, visions and goals often stay in the hoping and wishing stage. On the other hand, if you can stand the heat and stay in the kitchen then just as assuredly meaningful and rewarding change is promised. It’s off to Mordor!

In my prior posting I laid out Step #1: cultivating the daily practices of Attention and Awareness. Greater attention is required to pull the covers off how often your choices are tainted by the limiting influence of F.E.A.R. If you have taken on this challenge, what you have probably discovered is that fear is a prominent voice on your steering committee. We know all about F.E.A.R. stopping us in our tracks when it comes to larger decisions like career or life change, but I trust you are beginning to see how F.E.A.R. is active at the granular level, the smaller, seemingly insignificant choices you make throughout the day.

This is an important stage in our quest to shrink F.E.A.R. This is where F.E.A.R. is most cunning but also most vulnerable. Cunning because it utilizes very reasonable sounding justifications to keep you under it’s control such as I’m too tired or I’ve done enough and vulnerable because as you begin to de-cloak F.E.A.R. you empower yourself to make different choices. This is when and where the fallacy of FEAR’s claim will be exposed. The evidence will not only be seen as false and unreal but it will be experienced as such! Mark this moment for it is the beginning of change.

Step #2 asks that you commit to the practice of Doing Something Different. To be more precise, do something different when you notice FEAR has an agenda. What should you do? My suggestion is make it contrary to FEAR’s advocacy. I think I’ll stop on the street and have a conversation with my neighbor and trust that it’s OK to spend time with her. This is where we will wage our battle against FEAR in the trenches of our small daily choices!

Your Step #2 practice goes like this- notice FEAR’s urgings and do something different. Do it as often as you remember. No need to be perfect. It’s only practice and you’re building a new muscle. As before, at the end of the day chronicle your discoveries, share them with another and you will deepen the learning. Remember to pay attention to what you gained by dismissing FEAR’s guidance and doing something different. I promise it will be positive.

You are building a foundation in which you will skyrocket to a freer and more exciting life. Keep on going, you’re doing great!

Most people understand that FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real yet despite this knowledge fear often carries the day. Fear is a clever and resourceful foe. What makes it especially insidious is that it resides in our heads and co-opts our thinking. From there it delivers seemingly sound information that we use to make choices. The problem is that the evidence is not sound. It is information that is experienced through the filter of fear. Is it any wonder that so many of our inspired ideas and plans never make it past the dreaming stage and are often dismissed as “unrealistic”? Fear takes the data of the day, the economy, your age, your abilities, and twists them to build a case for playing it safe. It seems to know exactly where to hit, financial insecurity for example, and works that soft underbelly until it’s goal is achieved- you back down.

Carl Jung equated fear with evil because he said it was the negation of positive energy. No argument here. He also said “only boldness can defeat fear”. Well with the stakes so high- your life- it’s time to get your bold on. Today will be step #1 of a series of personal practices that will assuredly loosen fears grip while softening the ground for creativity and expansiveness.

Step one: Attention and Awareness. Without the awareness of what is motivating your decisions it is unlikely that you will manifest the change you desire. To realize this awareness you must pay attention. Attention to what you are doing and why. We make countless decisions and choices throughout our day. This practice is asking that you pause and ask the question “why?”. As passive as this might sound on the surface its actual impact is radical and, yes, bold. It is the first step to change. The goal with step #1 is to raise our awareness of when we are being led by fear. That’s it. Simple, but not easy.

Here are your instructions. Keep a memo pad with you at all times. Remind yourself in the morning of your new project- to pay attention to what is motivating your choices. During the day try to stop and ask yourself the question, “why am I going here or doing that” when choices are being made. If in your investigation you discover there is some element of fear in play make a note of it. Describe the situation and what was the angle fear was using to influence you. Review your findings at the end of the day. To deepen the learning share it with someone who holds an appreciation for your undertaking.  It is not necessary to change your choices at this stage. The goal is to pay attention and become aware of fear’s subtle nature.

Good work! Take a deep breath and know the reign of fear is on it’s way out. On its way in is a life of expanding personal power and choice. Carl Jung would be proud!