Are we better, smarter, kinder or are we not?

At it’s best this dubious strategy promotes winners and losers. More commonly, it is an all-lose game.

When we compare ourselves to others we do harm.

• We place our worth outside of ourselves a disempowering practice fated for dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
• We tarnish our ability to support a cohort by unwittingly casting them as our competitor.
• We engage in a belief that at it’s core shouts to us that “there is not enough”.

There is a better way to compare. Let the subject be yourself.

How did I do today in moving toward my goal? Have I made progress on that nagging character trait I am trying to change? What did I say I was going to do and what did I do? Am I becoming a better worker, mate, parent, or citizen?

Comparing yourself to yourself is a system of accountability. Accountability promotes honesty, responsibility, esteem and personal development.

So go ahead and see how you stack up. Let the test you need to pass be your own. The world will be a better place for it.

Why? It calls us to this very moment. Right now. It dispels the trance of “I don’t know how”, “it’s too hard”, “they don’t like me”, or “I’ll never get there”. It tells me in the simplest most profound way that now matters. It says stop thinking and start living – NOW!

In my coaching groups I send surprise pop-quiz emails announcing special days – It’s national “Do Worst First Day” or “Focus Only on the Good” Day. The group is then urged to live fully the spirit of that designated day.

“Do the Best You Can” Day goes like this. Everything you do that day, be the best you can at it. Driving your car, brushing your teeth, being an employee, engaging with your colleagues, sending emails, being a husband, everything! As coach, I provide support by sending text reminders and encourage report-backs via email.

One of the objectives is to have them experience the difference between being empowered and disempowered. In coming into the moment, you seize control of your life. You drop the useless story that keeps you in the cycle of not enough-ness. You also find a new spirit and resilience. A new story, a transformational moment, a game changer.

Go ahead and try it, right now be the best you can be. It will be challenging, annoying, fun and invigorating. Any effort is a victory and there are endless opportunities for practicing.

I don’t know about you but I just sat up a little straighter in my chair. I feel better already.

What is worst first mentality? It’s taking your to-do list and instead of going for the easy, low hanging fruit first (the meat and potatoes) you identify the most disagreeable task (the green beans)and take it on, giving it your full measure.

The benefits of living a worst first strategy?

• Start with a victory! Tackling your biggest foe first has a two-fold effect. One you are rewarded with an invigorating flow of positive energy due to your esteem-enhancing actions. Two you are lighter for eliminating the heavy weight from your list. All that energy that gets eaten up by the “looming specter” is now applied elsewhere.
• Develop a self-image of being an obstacle buster. How you feel about yourself can easily be the difference between smooth and hard, success and same old, same old. When you see yourself as a task-slaying warrior you are building a new relationship with yourself. It feels good, really good. You will want more of this feeling. This is critical for making change. It’s from the inside!

The potential pitfalls of doing a worst last mentality?

• Feeding the monster. Rather than freeing your mind of the “looming specter” you instead are being weighed down and “occupied” by the disagreeable task. The monster is mostly a figment of your imagination. To avoid it gives it power.

  Reinforcing a limited story of yourself. As you put off the worst task it becomes progressively harder to tackle. This can lead to procrastination. What’s next is the messy bog of self-condemnation followed by more evasion via TV, food, etc. Now a molehill has turned into the mountain of your past.

How do you begin a worst first mindset? For the next two weeks make it a practice to first identify the one task that makes you a bit squeamish. Give it a time limit if it is something that needs to be broken into multiple days. This will give you a start time and an end time. Summon up your courage and get started on it. Gauge your results and send me an email to report back.

Remember you are cultivating a new mentality along with a new way of being. This is not a one and done venture.Keep practicing. Know you are building a solid foundation for making big change. Oh and one other thing- you’ll find the vegetables were pretty good afterall.

Camping out inside your comfort zone is luxuriously seductive and dangerously deceptive. The allure of avoidance which provides short-term relief, imperceptively becomes your gathering executioner.

Your comfort zone is not meant to be a way of life. It is a place to rest, rejuvenate and replenish. That’s all. From there you are called to move back out seeking your next stretch action- taking small risks, meeting new people, testing new concepts and skills, saying yes when you want to say no. Leaning into life not laying down on it.

Can it be scary? Yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely. Do you have a choice? For a while yes but sooner or later the chickens come home to roost.

Paradoxically when you make taking stretch actions your new normal, your zone of comfort expands. Your capacity to handle whatever life serves up is fortified.

How do you do it? Start from right where you are- today. Make it your new guiding mantra- where can I stretch today? Identify two or three instances where you eschew your lair of comfort and march the road of more resistance.

Start small and collect victories. Watch as your new identity as an obstacle buster exhilarates you and propels you to greater triumphs. Celebrate your integrated relationship with life knowing you are a shark on the move.

It is your actions that have determined what you are today, where you are going, and who you will become.

If it is that simple why is it so hard?

One significant reason is fear. Fear infiltrates your mind and diabolically generates thoughts to frighten, mislead and confound.

Your solution? You avoid taking action or you take safe actions with minimal yield that keep you in the trance of “I’m doing things”.

A true solution? Action. Not just any action. Targeted Action.

What is Targeted Action? It is action that demonstrates your willingness to change. It will be something you do that is different and it often inches you outside your comfort zone. It is behavior that moves you in the direction of a goal, vision or purpose. It will be new. It will be bold as it flies in the face of fear.

There is an important distinction however. Targeted Action is not THE perfect action. Perfection is the problem. It is fear hijacking the process. Keep it simple, run your action plan by a trusted other for verification and support, then act and learn.

When you truly understand that even awkward, uncertain actions, no matter how small, are better than thinking those same thoughts, being scared by those same feelings or doing that same busy work, than you are on the way. Change has become a reality.

For many these will be familiar directives for personal and professional development. The words may differ but the concepts will be similar. So why take the time for me to write and the reader to read? Simple – for the reminder.

• We need to be reminded that we are magnificent “forgetters”. The light fades quickly. A steady drip is good medicine.
• We need to be reminded that many of us have minds that tack toward the negative and without guiding beacons can be swamped by fear, doubt, and grasping.
• We need to be reminded that we often look past the answers laid at our feet sure that the solution resides elsewhere.
• We need to be reminded that we resist the uncomfortable and are easily seduced by new, fast and easy.
• We need to be reminded that change is indeed a process and not an event.
• We need to be reminded that this process is not to be missed as it is the gateway to a greater you.
• We need to be reminded that hope and change start this second in your next decision.

While I’m in a reminding spirit here’s one more – keep your eye on what’s important over the final month of 2011. Combine joy and connection with mindfulness and prudence. It will help set a strong foundation for 2012. Enjoy the Twelve Tips for Change of Christmas.

Creating rituals to stop and pay attention are vital for the spirit that brightens us. Many have suffered under the weight of tumultuous change in the past years. The way forward still looks uncertain and tests the mettle of many. No matter. There is a readily available tonic for what ails us. We turn our thoughts to gratitude and thanks. We soften our hearts and notice the good that is with us each day – the expansive sky, the grace of a birds flight, the security of a deeply rooted tree, and the people, particularly the dear ones. Notice the health that you have. Notice the day dawning and wonder on the possibilities that lie before you.

The Dali Lama says the real meaning of life is to contribute to someone else’s happiness. Cool! I can do that. We all can do that. Nothing can take that from us. Thank You.

This philosophy became the core of my coaching. I worked with job seekers in going deeper to find the meaning of their own tumultuous time. I suggested they change the glasses they saw the world through, to instead keep their eye on the good in their life. I encouraged them to take control of what they could by improving themselves and to look for others to help. I coaxed them to see how they made the world a better place even without a “job”. The master plan was to break down the current situation into smaller more empowered segments. The goal was to take back control of their lives.

Fast forward to 2011. It has been 3 years now since the economy fizzled. Many still frequent the job clubs, some coming with tired eyes, wondering when it will all end. They have lost much in the way of finances and security. Not small consequences.

Then there are the others. The ones who faced the uncertain times and converted them into an opportunity to find meaning and purpose. They journeyed outside their comfort zone and stretched each day with small but deliberate steps. They are not the same persons they were just a short time ago. They have joined action groups, volunteered for causes, learned new technologies (including social media), and developed new skills and crafts. They have new friends and bigger hearts. They are finding their way slowly into the “new economy ” by letting go of old work paradigms and being receptive to the new. Possibly most important of all, they have expanded their capacity to face hardship. They are bigger and stronger than they once were. This is invaluable.

We have been hearing since grade school the noble truths that “adversity builds character” or “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”. Nonetheless most would rather pass on life’s more difficult lessons hoping against hope that they can learn the easier, softer way. But at the end of the day, for all of us, it’s out of our hands- life makes the big decisions. That said if we can trust that we are indeed “exactly where we are meant to be” than life can become our teacher. It can be the facilitator of our life moving forward in ways we would never have chosen on our own. Yes, it’s frightening and yes, it’s inconvenient and yes, it’s not what we planned. But it is right and it is time. Keep asking the question- what is my life becoming? Then strap in, look for your supports and go for the ride. You actually don’t want to miss it. Promise.

Lets scan the landscape briefly.  Job boards and job sites. Resumes, cover letters, approach letters and “one pagers”. Linked In profiles, Twitter tweets, free coaching webinars and Meet Up groups. Developing one’s brand, value propositions and the elevator pitch. Joining networking groups, success teams and throw in some volunteering while you’re at it. Amazingly enough it is possible to be an unemployed person who is overworked. Who needs a job to have burnout?

This is not a knock on any of the amazing tools available today. They all represent fresh, exciting, leading edge changes that allow one to reach out with more clout and effectiveness than ever before. What I’m concerned about is the weary job seeker who is required to perform  a serious bit of discernment about which and how much of these various tools and strategies are right for them. This is not an easy task when you consider all the noise coming at you from your fellow seekers touting this online tool or that Linked In group or that new cutting edge resume formatting style. Linked In alone could fill the hours of a part time job what with  asking and answering questions, reading and sending emails from the various groups you are in, delivering sharp new updates on your happenings, writing recommendations, and making new connections. Phew! It’s more than one weary job-seeker with beleaguered eyes that pleaded ,”Do I really need to be on Plaxo?”

So how do you ride this cultural revolution rather than get buried by it?

It comes down to a principle that can often be overlooked in our personal toolkit but nonetheless is essential for success in all areas of a person’s life. Trust. That’s right, learning to trust oneself. Trusting when you have done enough. Trusting that you have “stretched” yourself and taken the actions that are personally challenging. Trusting that you are  being honest with yourself and your support team. Trusting that you are being true to your defined direction and it’s OK to say no. Trusting that it’s OK to take an afternoon off to rest. Trusting that you will assess your efforts and know when you need to kick it up notch. Trusting that some things are not right for you- yet! Trusting that there are bigger forces in play and you don’t need to be everywhere all the time.  Trusting that when you are grounded and confident you are in the best place to do your best work.

Being a basketball fan, I often marveled at the exploits of Michael Jordan. I noticed in interviews after another virtuoso performance, he would regularly say he “let the game come to him”. What I took that to mean was despite being a world class athlete, it was his patience and yes, his trust that were key to utilizing his immense abilities. He trusted he would know when to act, when the time was right. If it’s good enough for MJ it’s good enough for me.

I say the same to you. Do your research, make your connections on linked in, meet the people who are right to meet and then, trust you’ve done enough. It’s time to let the game come to you.

~Diana Ziegler

The balance of power has shifted. Instead of reacting to F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real), you are now responding to life. Fear still has a seat at the table but it no longer sits at the head. Who sits in that place of prominence is your emerging character. It is demonstrated in your ability to be honest with yourself, your willingness to do things differently, and your tenacity in staying the course. Your steady progress through Steps 1-4 has provided the building blocks for this change. Now it is time to leverage your character in the practice of the final step.

If you have been diligent about Step #4 you are experiencing the benefits of creating structures and routines. You are measuring your schedule with an urgency that is facilitating sustainable change. You are resisting impulses to abandon your plan for old familiar patterns and this discipline is resulting in a growing self-trust. This trust blossoms into a deeper more abiding belief in yourself. This is the key ingredient. Your success rate will accelerate when your belief in self is greater than your doubt.

With my coaching clients we measure the effectiveness of their activities with a simple equation- are their daily efforts supporting their stated goals. Without clearly defined goals as markers, the work is susceptible to spinning- lots of activities and busyness but a fleeting sense of movement or success.

Now is the time to be bold and create those markers. You do this in Step #5 by Setting Visions and Goals.

Resurrect your former dreams or start crafting new ones. You now have the stamina and integrity to make them a reality. What is it you are called to do? What pursuit awaits you? Is there genius ready to emerge? Set your course and with your new habits and behaviors as stabilizers, you can begin to take action.

With this new course you can use your structures and routines to be sure your efforts are supporting your goals. With your capacity to stick to a commitment you have the necessary backbone to accomplish your desires. With your attention and awareness you will run a tight, responsible ship knowing when, how and what to move on.

When the going gets difficult, F.E.A.R. will begin to nose its way back in. It is OK if you experience some back steps. Take them in stride. All that is needed is to go back to your 5-step plan and determine where you are in the process. Which practice would best serve you? The truth is once you have incorporated these practices your trajectory is upward. Expect nothing else. Whether the growth is slight or dramatic is of no matter. It is your path; you will cross it at just the right pace.

You have built a relationship with fear and you now know more about it than it knows of you. It is based on real evidence. Nice work. Enjoy your greater expression of self, share it with others and keep growing. Boldness is recommended!