To Pay Attention you make a decision to look unsparingly at your life. You examine the clues – choices, decisions, and actions – and explore the motivations behind them. In particular you look for the behaviors influenced by fear and insecurity; where you don’t trust, how you don’t believe in yourself, and ways you hide out.

Pay Attention to what you gravitate toward – people, conversations, activities – and consider how they are serving you. With dedication to this practice, your ability to accurately assess your experience will grow. This is the due diligence of change work.

You postpone any inclination to fix or react. There will be a time to devise new strategies but it is not now. Too many people want to charge into action but run headlong into a concept Albert Einstein learned long ago – “problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.” Clarity and humility are required before you start anew.

Here are some suggestions to Pay Attention:

• Set your course. Remind yourself each morning of your mission – to uncover where you hold yourself back and why. On an index card write 2 questions; What am I doing? and Why am I doing it?. Refer to your card periodically to reinforce your new mental habit.
• Journal. Carry a personal log and chronicle your “noticings”. This practice is energizing and often results in feeling more engaged and empowered.
• Where am I Afraid? Notice what you do when you are nervous, scared or uncomfortable. This is rich terrain to mine for information.
• Assess your day. Conclude your day by journaling your experience and insights.

Pay Attention is your goal this week – a detective tasked with deciphering and understanding you. Learn about your habits, language, mannerisms, and choices.

Pay Attention, notice and collect your evidence. Soon you’ll be ready for action.

However, unless things are different in your head than mine, that’s often not the way it works.

Instead, our mind largely (and I mean largely) communicates information that is unhelpful. It finds fault, interprets situations to our detriment, minimizes our chances, and delivers one abiding theme – “you’re not enough and you better get out now!”

Here’s the real kicker – it’s all false. That’s right, we lie to ourselves.

For many this internal hammering leads to refuge in comfort – How I Met Your Mother, Ben & Jerry’s and Trader Joe’s Two Buck Chuck. Ahh… the voices are quiet.

Relief? Yes.

A growing and dynamic life? No.

A better strategy is to challenge your thinking. The time has come to show that mind of yours there’s a new sheriff in town.

Here’s the skinny – your thoughts only become destructive when you act on (or act in) on them. Then they’ve won and you’ve waved the white flag.

However if you resist the pull to abandon the mission (inspired plans, goals, your vision) and stay on course with small actions and choices that support the quieter voice deserving of your loyalty, then you win. Victory!

Your fear and doubts are not going away as long as you continue to feed them. You feed them by taking actions motivated by their message. You effectively tell them “you’re right, I can’t do it”. Like a bully your mind is empowered to deliver more of the same. Why wouldn’t it? After all, it’s working!

Now the easy/hard part.

Make a commitment to do things different each day. When you see yourself succumbing to the toxic drag of your negative thinking treat it as a red alert. Sit up, realize the enemy has breached the compound and fight back!

• Slow down and be quiet. Be kind to yourself for a few minutes. Know that you don’t deserve this harsh treatment and that it is not true.
• Remind yourself that in challenging your thinking and taking action to the contrary you are being courageous and bold.
• Your thinking is urging you to contract. You will look to expand. It can be small, but find an action that makes you bigger! Baby steps count!
• Identify the next task in your day and complete it as if your life depended on it (BTW-It does)
• For bonus points, look outside yourself and see if there is someone you can help – this is a virtuous act of trusting that does an end-around the negative voices. It communicates that you are safe, secure and ready to help others. Radical!

Bolster yourself by knowing that in taking these small steps you are reclaiming your life. You are supporting the quiet voice of possibility, creativity and freedom. Through discipline, commitment, kindness to self and hard work you can alter your thoughts and cultivate a more supportive environment in your noggin.

Things can be different. You can change. The power is in your hands. Before you know it your thinking will also come along for the ride. Then you’ll have a trusted adviser. True relief. You don’t want to miss it!

For those looking to make change this can be an encouraging discovery. “I just need to change what I’m doing and my life will change? Cool! I’m on it!”

The fly in the ointment? Simple does not mean easy.

The process for making choices goes something like this: larger choices are allocated time for reflection and consult; smaller ones which dominate our daily selections, are relegated to an automatic pilot, meaning minimal thought and/or deliberation.

Why is this important?

The auto-pilot serves an important purpose – it streamlines life processes in order to move swiftly and productively through the world. No problem there.

The problem comes when the settings on the auto-pilot go soft and increasingly point toward familiarity, safety and comfort.

Orange alert! Making choices from an ease-of-operation priority leads to coasting. As you might guess, you can only coast in one direction – downhill.

Habits, routines and patterns established for comforts-sake, over time, manifest life experiences described as boring, unsatisfying, unhappy, frustrating, discontent and finally, stuck.

Sound familiar?

Now the good news – when something is not working we look for solutions.

I’ve got one.

It’s time to perform a full diagnostic on your auto-pilot.

Step one is to slow down and pay attention. Be curious about your life. Make “you” your research project.

Examine your choices especially the little ones for they can serve as the canary in the coalmine.

Where are you playing it safe? Are your habits and routines evolving or are they easy and known? Where are you hiding behind strengths and avoiding being vulnerable? Write for 30 minutes each day for a week and see what you uncover.

In Step Two you apply the information you gleened in the previous step by identifying areas where you can begin to right the ship. Small daily choices that move you away from familiar and safe and toward new and different. Don’t worry about making the right choice. Simply focus on doing something different.

Some ideas:

• Choose to resist the pull to eat lunch at your computer or with your magazine and spend time getting to know someone better – anyone!

• Choose to say yes to an invitation that seems outside your comfort zone.

• Choose to say “I don’t know” when appropriate and pat yourself on the back for your commitment to learn and grow.

• Choose to quit work at a designated time and leave yourself time (and energy) to do something new and interesting with your additional time.

• Choose to work as efficiently as possible cultivating an “economy of time” mindset. As you finish things in an appropriate time frame you free yourself to more and new.

• Choose to ask questions about topics you’re not familiar with.

• Choose to set aside your stories about “how things are”.

• Choose to keep choosing honestly and responsibly.

Like I said earlier, simple but not easy. The key is to make this a practice. It is not “one and done”. Make it an active part of your personal mission. That is how it will become change that sticks, sustainable change, and not just another ill-fated resolution.

Make your choices count by “stretching” and being bold, vulnerable, and courageous.

What’s in it for you? A new life full of possibilities you or I could not predict. What I can guarantee is that it won’t be boring.

It goes something like this.

The Israelites, newly liberated from the bondage of slavery, are confronting the harsh realities of the Sinai desert. More immediately, by the need for food.

After devoted prayer from their faithful leader they wake one morning to discover they have been blessed with “manna from heaven”. The bread-like substance fills their stomachs and nourishes their body. Life is good!

As the story goes a few of the Jews, cautious about relying on an unseen power to deliver their sustenance, decide on a plan to gather up and store each day’s excess manna just in case. Literally and figuratively, they took manna into their own hands.

The results?

To their dismay they find that the previous day’s manna becomes bug-infested and is inedible. They now have no choice. They can do little else but trust that they will be provided for each day.

And provided for they were. Each and every morning (except on the Sabbath but provisions were made) they are graced with a new and abundant food to fuel their journey.

The moral of the story is clear. Relax. No need to hoard. You’ll be given what you need, when you need it. Let go of yesterday and open to the gifts of today.

What is the old manna that you cling to in your life today? Are you grasping, not trusting that life will bring you continued opportunities for happiness, abundance and purpose?

Examine the landscape of your life. Do you see evidence of your own tired manna?

• closets filled with clothing you don’t really like and mostly don’t wear
• excess belongings cluttering your space and your possibilities
• patterns of shuffling boxes or piles creating a false sense of busyness and productivity
• personal habits that distract and detract from your goals and vision
• relationships that have become forced and keep you in a role you no longer enjoy

Though our lives are over flowing with stuff, we like the Israelites feel vulnerable. We see the world through fearful eyes and react by holding on. We too, take manna into our own hands.

This is your challenge- stop and look honestly at your choices. What motivates them? If you find that it’s a fear that the universe might not deliver, consider letting go – just a little each day. Look at your home and create some fresh space. Eliminate an activity that you have a gut feeling is not right for you anymore. Do something that represents trust in something bigger than the circumstances of the day.

And when you do, breathe in your new space and look toward the heavens. Your manna is coming.

Are we better, smarter, kinder or are we not?

At it’s best this dubious strategy promotes winners and losers. More commonly, it is an all-lose game.

When we compare ourselves to others we do harm.

• We place our worth outside of ourselves a disempowering practice fated for dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
• We tarnish our ability to support a cohort by unwittingly casting them as our competitor.
• We engage in a belief that at it’s core shouts to us that “there is not enough”.

There is a better way to compare. Let the subject be yourself.

How did I do today in moving toward my goal? Have I made progress on that nagging character trait I am trying to change? What did I say I was going to do and what did I do? Am I becoming a better worker, mate, parent, or citizen?

Comparing yourself to yourself is a system of accountability. Accountability promotes honesty, responsibility, esteem and personal development.

So go ahead and see how you stack up. Let the test you need to pass be your own. The world will be a better place for it.

Why? It calls us to this very moment. Right now. It dispels the trance of “I don’t know how”, “it’s too hard”, “they don’t like me”, or “I’ll never get there”. It tells me in the simplest most profound way that now matters. It says stop thinking and start living – NOW!

In my coaching groups I send surprise pop-quiz emails announcing special days – It’s national “Do Worst First Day” or “Focus Only on the Good” Day. The group is then urged to live fully the spirit of that designated day.

“Do the Best You Can” Day goes like this. Everything you do that day, be the best you can at it. Driving your car, brushing your teeth, being an employee, engaging with your colleagues, sending emails, being a husband, everything! As coach, I provide support by sending text reminders and encourage report-backs via email.

One of the objectives is to have them experience the difference between being empowered and disempowered. In coming into the moment, you seize control of your life. You drop the useless story that keeps you in the cycle of not enough-ness. You also find a new spirit and resilience. A new story, a transformational moment, a game changer.

Go ahead and try it, right now be the best you can be. It will be challenging, annoying, fun and invigorating. Any effort is a victory and there are endless opportunities for practicing.

I don’t know about you but I just sat up a little straighter in my chair. I feel better already.

What is worst first mentality? It’s taking your to-do list and instead of going for the easy, low hanging fruit first (the meat and potatoes) you identify the most disagreeable task (the green beans)and take it on, giving it your full measure.

The benefits of living a worst first strategy?

• Start with a victory! Tackling your biggest foe first has a two-fold effect. One you are rewarded with an invigorating flow of positive energy due to your esteem-enhancing actions. Two you are lighter for eliminating the heavy weight from your list. All that energy that gets eaten up by the “looming specter” is now applied elsewhere.
• Develop a self-image of being an obstacle buster. How you feel about yourself can easily be the difference between smooth and hard, success and same old, same old. When you see yourself as a task-slaying warrior you are building a new relationship with yourself. It feels good, really good. You will want more of this feeling. This is critical for making change. It’s from the inside!

The potential pitfalls of doing a worst last mentality?

• Feeding the monster. Rather than freeing your mind of the “looming specter” you instead are being weighed down and “occupied” by the disagreeable task. The monster is mostly a figment of your imagination. To avoid it gives it power.

  Reinforcing a limited story of yourself. As you put off the worst task it becomes progressively harder to tackle. This can lead to procrastination. What’s next is the messy bog of self-condemnation followed by more evasion via TV, food, etc. Now a molehill has turned into the mountain of your past.

How do you begin a worst first mindset? For the next two weeks make it a practice to first identify the one task that makes you a bit squeamish. Give it a time limit if it is something that needs to be broken into multiple days. This will give you a start time and an end time. Summon up your courage and get started on it. Gauge your results and send me an email to report back.

Remember you are cultivating a new mentality along with a new way of being. This is not a one and done venture.Keep practicing. Know you are building a solid foundation for making big change. Oh and one other thing- you’ll find the vegetables were pretty good afterall.

Camping out inside your comfort zone is luxuriously seductive and dangerously deceptive. The allure of avoidance which provides short-term relief, imperceptively becomes your gathering executioner.

Your comfort zone is not meant to be a way of life. It is a place to rest, rejuvenate and replenish. That’s all. From there you are called to move back out seeking your next stretch action- taking small risks, meeting new people, testing new concepts and skills, saying yes when you want to say no. Leaning into life not laying down on it.

Can it be scary? Yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely. Do you have a choice? For a while yes but sooner or later the chickens come home to roost.

Paradoxically when you make taking stretch actions your new normal, your zone of comfort expands. Your capacity to handle whatever life serves up is fortified.

How do you do it? Start from right where you are- today. Make it your new guiding mantra- where can I stretch today? Identify two or three instances where you eschew your lair of comfort and march the road of more resistance.

Start small and collect victories. Watch as your new identity as an obstacle buster exhilarates you and propels you to greater triumphs. Celebrate your integrated relationship with life knowing you are a shark on the move.

It is your actions that have determined what you are today, where you are going, and who you will become.

If it is that simple why is it so hard?

One significant reason is fear. Fear infiltrates your mind and diabolically generates thoughts to frighten, mislead and confound.

Your solution? You avoid taking action or you take safe actions with minimal yield that keep you in the trance of “I’m doing things”.

A true solution? Action. Not just any action. Targeted Action.

What is Targeted Action? It is action that demonstrates your willingness to change. It will be something you do that is different and it often inches you outside your comfort zone. It is behavior that moves you in the direction of a goal, vision or purpose. It will be new. It will be bold as it flies in the face of fear.

There is an important distinction however. Targeted Action is not THE perfect action. Perfection is the problem. It is fear hijacking the process. Keep it simple, run your action plan by a trusted other for verification and support, then act and learn.

When you truly understand that even awkward, uncertain actions, no matter how small, are better than thinking those same thoughts, being scared by those same feelings or doing that same busy work, than you are on the way. Change has become a reality.

For many these will be familiar directives for personal and professional development. The words may differ but the concepts will be similar. So why take the time for me to write and the reader to read? Simple – for the reminder.

• We need to be reminded that we are magnificent “forgetters”. The light fades quickly. A steady drip is good medicine.
• We need to be reminded that many of us have minds that tack toward the negative and without guiding beacons can be swamped by fear, doubt, and grasping.
• We need to be reminded that we often look past the answers laid at our feet sure that the solution resides elsewhere.
• We need to be reminded that we resist the uncomfortable and are easily seduced by new, fast and easy.
• We need to be reminded that change is indeed a process and not an event.
• We need to be reminded that this process is not to be missed as it is the gateway to a greater you.
• We need to be reminded that hope and change start this second in your next decision.

While I’m in a reminding spirit here’s one more – keep your eye on what’s important over the final month of 2011. Combine joy and connection with mindfulness and prudence. It will help set a strong foundation for 2012. Enjoy the Twelve Tips for Change of Christmas.